If you enjoyed the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, you probably were sad reading the announcement of its creator and editor EJ Rice: “It is with deep regrets that I announce the conclusion of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.”

Founded in 1982 at San Jose State University in California, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenged entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels. Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, best known for The Last Days of Pompeii, began his novel Paul Clifford with the famous opener:

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

Be sad not more. How about a new one, inspired by Bulwer-Lytton? Worst Purple Prose Contest, anyone?

A contest having fewer categories but giving out prizes. And it doesn’t have to be an opening of a novel. It could be any parts, as long as the entry is limited to 280 characters. I’d run it on my website for now and pay for the prizes. I have some experience. I used to publish a magazine, Vestal Review, for 22 years.

Post your entries on X with the hashtag #WorstPurpleProse, I’ll select the ones with the minimum of 10 likes, and repost them here. Once a month, I will run a reader’s poll and the top two entries will get modest prizes and rich publicity.

How does that sound?

Here is my entry (not eligible for the prize):

The night was so dark that even if you painted it white, it would turn gray, or if you were English, grey.